Still in the thick of the anniversary month, but it’s coming to a close.
To celebrate, I’ve broken my foot, received a notice that I might owe my ex-husband $4000, and, got an email from MXB offering to talk.
A year ago, I repeatedly tried to get him to talk to me about why he was treating us the way that he was. What happened to make him turn his back on us as if we’d never existed? How could he justify moving on immediately with one of my closest friends? Why did he tear us apart instead of handling things with integrity and compassion.
I’ve tried a few times over the last year also – when things came up.
You know, like finding out about him hitting on our married friend.
Anyway, this is not to rehash.
So the other day I get, totally out of the blue “Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, but I am open to talking now.”
Sorry it took so long? It’s been a fucking year.
And, “I am open to talking,” not “I would like to talk.”
Big difference there
God how I have wanted to hear what happened, wanted to hear that he really did love me, loved my family. I’ve wanted a gut level apology for the shitty way that I was treated.
And yet, with this email came an unexpected reaction – I don’t care any more.
I realize that I’m not going to get what I want, what I need. And even if I do, what good is it going to do me?
And do I still need or want it?
And I question, isn’t the timing a little coincidental – he and that good friend of mine just split.
What a surprise that didn’t work out (she says with deep sarcasm.)
So I thought, is there anything that he could say that would make any difference?
Is there anything that he could say that I would even believe?
Is he still a chicken shit?
So I wrote back that the time for and my interest in having that particular conversation have passed.
And with the push of the button marked Send, I freed my heart.