I am fucking pissed.
How dare he do that to me, to us.
This is fucking bullshit.
And there’s no way that this one can be blamed on me.
I let him know that I know; after all of this time, he clearly he thought he’d gotten away with it.
I even stepped off the high road a little bit and you know what? It felt good.
The thing I believed to be most true about him was that he had more integrity than any other man I knew, which, in turn kept me secure in our relationship because he had too much integrity to ever cheat.
So the problem for me, the place where I keep getting stuck, is in believing/accepting/admitting that he is no longer the person with whom I was madly in love.
And because I don’t interact with him at all or ask about him or even lay eyes on him, in my mind he’s still the person I believed him to be: an exemplary man.
So then it goes without saying that if he is still that exemplary man, then he must really really not give a shit about me OR I’m not worthy of anything better.
But I won’t go down that rabbit hole right now.
So it’s confusing and surreal.
And it’s fucking infuriating.